Dear Christian Woman,

From the day you were born, you have carried many identities. You were a daughter, a granddaughter, maybe a sister, and God’s daughter. But maybe no one told you about that last one.

If you’re anything like me, maybe you didn’t even know what it meant to be your father’s daughter.

A father is intended to bring characteristics to the father-daughter relationship that only he can bring. And when that element of fatherhood is missing—or distorted—it can lead you to a myriad of skewed perspectives about your identity.

And it doesn’t stop with your birth family.

When you started socializing, you became a friend.

When you started school, you became a student.

When you got married, you became a wife and a daughter in-law.

When you had children, you became a mommy.

Then, there’s work where you could be an employee or a business owner; church where you’re a member and a volunteer.

Some identities were placed on you, like a jacket around your shoulders. Some you took upon yourself. Some you wear proudly, and others feel like the heaviness of a weighted blanket.

So many identities, so little time.

Somewhere along the way, you forgot what lights you up and makes you feel most alive. You forgot that you had a dream or realize that you never took time to dream for yourself.

One day, you wake up and wonder, “What happened?” When did you start overthinking, people-pleasing, performing, and silencing yourself to feel accepted, loved, needed, or wanted? When did you start saying yes to all the requests and saying no to yourself—your desires and your needs?

The next question causes you to freeze, “Who am I, really?” Do you recognize the woman staring back at you in the mirror?

You may be an adult, but the little girl inside you still feels the effects of your earthly father’s emotional, mental, or physical absence, or his addiction, or his mental illness, or his abuse.

And you’re not the only one.

It’s time to embrace your best and most important identity. The one that doesn’t require you to perform. Your identity as God’s daughter is not contingent on what you say or what you do.

This is where healing begins—in a sanctuary (safe space) with women who love God and love their neighbors (each other).

This is where we go deep, tending to the heart wounds and the patterns that kept us safe, the patterns our brain learned in response to hurt.

Did you know that our brain has three jobs?
1) Avoid pain
2) Pursue pleasure
3) Conserve energy

Our brain does a great job, but it also doesn’t know the threat may be old and no longer a threat at all.

It’s our job to lead our brain and to show it that we are safe because our safety comes from God (Psalm 18:19 NLT).

We are safe to feel any emotion because God gave us all of them. He invites us to share whatever emotion we’re experiencing with Him, and He stays with us as we process what goes with it.

But sometimes we can’t even put into words what we’re feeling. That’s where community comes in.

Healing begins in community, where you can see that you are not the only one wresting with the pain of the past, and your sisters in Christ can encourage you and lift you up when you don’t feel you have the strength to do the work.

We grow stronger together (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT).

Friend, the only way out is through. We heal by taking our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT) and renewing our minds, allowing God to transform us into the women He created us to be (Romans 12:2 NLT).

Together we can boldly step into our God-given identity and live loved and chosen as His daughters.

About the book: 

Loved and Chosen: A Devotional for the Woman Who Wants to Belong is the story of a girl, wounded by her earthly father and used by other men, who grew to be a woman loved, chosen, and healed by her Heavenly Father. The devotional shares timeless truths about the God who created you, loves you, and chose you from the beginning. The book was written for you to be an interactive journey with reflection questions and plenty of journaling pages. This is my God story birthed from my wounds to help other women heal from their father wounds and (re)discover their best and most important identity-God’s daughter.

How it works:

We meet for six weeks via Zoom. Each session includes book discussion, live teaching, and an invitation to take a brave and courageous step to be coached.

What’s included:

•Ebook
•Six virtual sessions via Zoom
•Coaching with a certified Christian life coach who knows what it’s like to feel wounded and fatherless (Psalm 68:5 NLT)
•Voxer office hours Monday-Thursday 11am-5pm Central

The cost to join:

This $197 investment in you is a declaration that you will take one bold and courageous step toward remembering (or learning) truths about your Heavenly Father who loves you, chose you, and heals you. In this space, you will take captive the lies you’ve believed (2 Corinthians 10:5) and be transformed by renewing your mind according to what God says (Romans 12:2).

The cost not to join:

Continue people-pleasing, overthinking, self-protecting, and more because the alternative feels too risky. 

Those old patterns you learned kept you safe. Thank your younger self for protecting you. 

Then, move towards the woman God created you to be—strong and courageous, full of power, love, and a sound mind—knowing your identity depends only on the One who created you!